Motherhood has changed me.
In ways I didn’t even know until I became pregnant again. The differences I see within myself. I’m braver. I’m less apologetic for being myself. I’m more confident than I used to be.
I’ve felt extreme physical pain. I’ve loved more fiercely than I ever thought was possible. I’ve put another human’s wellbeing at the forefront of my mind for the past two years.
But something changed recently. I realized that I’ve been unknowingly working through my own transformation.
Those countless sleepless nights that I spent rocking my daughter to sleep- when I didn’t think it was humanly possible to be so exhausted. That’s where I learned resilience.
All the moments I’ve spent worrying about the wellbeing of my daughter. That’s how I learned to truly surrender and give it to God.
Growing not one, but two babies in my body- and enduring all the physical and mental hardships that go with it… taught me what unconditional love and sacrifice is.
Becoming pregnant at my heaviest weight ever, when that wasn’t the plan at all… taught me to embrace the season I’m in, and be okay with thriving in it.
Gaining friends and losing friends in motherhood taught me that the ones that truly love you will accept you for who you are. As a person, as a mother. Those are the ones to hold onto and cherish. And the ones that make you feel like you’re doing it wrong- aren’t the kind of people you want in your corner. Because if you’re meeting all of your child’s needs- you can’t do motherhood wrong.
It’s in my very soul to want to give my kids everything they need- emotionally, physically, mentally. I've come to realize that I couldn’t be a bad mom if I tried, because it’s what I was meant to do. And even on my bad days, I know that I am a good momma.
Motherhood has taught me that I don't have to be perfect, because there's absolutely no way I possibly could be.
I thought I missed the old me. And for a while, I did. The me before kids, that wore super glam makeup and was thinner and wore cute clothes and met up with friends for wine and slept as long as she wanted. But I’ve finally accepted the fact that she is gone. It took awhile for me to find myself again… to figure out who I am in this new role, having experienced all I’ve experienced in the last 2 years.
And as any healthy human should, I will continue to transform. I’m 100% certain my son will change my life in a new way, the way my daughter has.
I’m finally getting comfortable in who I am, and where I’m going.