*Originally Published on Her View From Home
Written by Alyssa Hurlbert
I resented my husband after our baby was born.
Everything he does annoys me. He chews too loud, breathes too loud. He wants to show me affection by physical touch when he knows that's the least of my Love Languages. He doesn’t do this right, he doesn’t listen to my advice with the baby (I mean, I am around her ALL THE TIME). He says “what?” or just doesn’t do something I ask him to. I don’t care that he’s technically hard of hearing, he should just listen harder!
I find myself being rude to him. And I cringe after every instance. This is not who I am, who we are.
And I know he works hard. I see him trying to complete projects on his days off. I see that he helps with our daughter whenever possible. He gets home from work at 1 a.m. and still helps split night feedings, because I’m so exhausted sometimes I sleep right through the baby monitor.
I see that he doesn’t have time for the gym, he doesn’t have time to just do nothing and relax. Between work, projects, baby, trying to make our house not look like the mess of a college dorm room . . . there’s no time for either of us to recharge.
We’ve both been running on empty. We’re both equally exhausted, equally drained. We barely have time for ourselves, let alone time for each other.
Our conversations are along the lines of our daughter’s diapers and how much she’s eaten and what time and our schedules and who’s going to watch our baby if we’re both at work. Until the other night, we hadn’t even gone on a date without a baby since our wedding anniversary months ago.
I had this resentment, irritability, and bad attitude toward him, without even knowing why. I needed help, but he always seemed to do it wrong. I wanted him to read my mind because I was so consumed most days with postpartum depression, I didn’t have the energy to string words together. I wanted a break, but he was working a lot and he wasn’t there to give me one. But over the course of the last few weeks, I saw it. And it really started to bother me, how harsh I was being towards him. So it took some digging deep on my part to try to figure it out. And then I realized . . . the one thing I said I wouldn’t let happen after having a baby was happening.
Our marriage had been put on the back-burner.
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